THE PATH TO SELF DISCOVERY

September 9, 2014

THE PATH TO SELF DISCOVERY

I’ve always considered myself a writer. Recently, I shared with my readers a behind-the-scenes look into WHY I WRITE. One of the greatest perks about being an avid writer is going back months or years later to read what I’ve once written. Reminiscing special memories, remembering hazy details or reflecting on how I’ve grown or changed—all reasons why I treasure old journals and ramblings.

Just the other day, I came across a poem I wrote in the Spring of 2007. This was a pivotal time in my early twenties as I closed one chapter of my life—college—and embarked on a greater path to self discovery. I poured my heart out onto blank pages that day during a period in my life where I was confronting limiting self-beliefs and habits, exploring new ideas and friendships, concreting my values and expressing myself more freely. And, whoa, did it feel good!

As I re-read this piece of writing, I have several reactions.

// At first, I smile. I smile because I now bear the name of the faceless man I mention below. Yeah, God is good.

// Then, I cringe. I cringe because I wonder what other people will think when they read it. But. then I remember that it’s none of my business what others think of me. Quite frankly, it really doesn’t matter.

// Finally, I rejoice. I rejoice because I remember that young girl navigating the world, and I clearly see how much she’s grown. She’s found freedom and self acceptance. She’s weathered many storms and still holds strong to her values.

Self discovery is a never-ending process. But, I embrace it because at my core I know who I am.

I AM ME, and in this there is beauty.

So, here is my unedited poem. Without further adieu. . .


I AM ME

I am love.
love for those I claim as family,
for the ones I call best friends.
love for the teens who far too often hear, “you’ll never amount to anything,”
for Jenny on the street who just wants a shower and a listening ear.
I am love.

I am joy.
joy for the cool breath I slowly draw in each morning,
for new beginnings. fresh starts. lessons learned.
joy for progress. growth. and understanding,
for the beauty alive in this bleak, unjust world.
I am joy.

I am peace.
peace for the bickering inside these four walls,
for the jealousy that drives destruction.
peace for the inner turmoil that eats away at my heart,
for the restless and weary.
I am peace.

I am patience.
patience for the teen counting down the days until he can leave here. home. the abuse relationship,
for the eagerness to hastily leap into the future.
patience for God’s divine timing,
for the ability to rest in faith and trust.
I am patience.

I am kindness.
kindness for the timid face that walks through these doors unaware of the refuge it provides,
for the bitter clerk scanning countless items endlessly sliding down the conveyor belt. toothpaste. peanut butter. baby formula. eggs.
kindness for the housemate, over committing herself into numbness,
for the hound who is all too often left alone on the gravel driveway.
I am kindness.

I am goodness.
goodness for the honor of my God, my Savior,
for providing a flicker of light to this world of darkness.
goodness for the hope that deceit, selfishness, and manipulation are not the only ways of climbing to the top,
for the internal satisfaction.
I am goodness.

I am faithfulness.
faithfulness for those who are faithful,
for the mother who has always kept my best interest at heart.
faithful for the father who willingly sacrifices his pleasure for my well-being,
for the man I will someday love and bear his name.
I am faithfulness.

I am gentleness.
gentleness for the motherless baby I rock to sleep as the sun kisses his face,
for the child who longs for a calmness amid the storm of anger and rage.
gentleness for my body, often pushed beyond adequate expectations,
for my soul that strives for perfection. acceptance. validation.
I am gentleness.

I am self-control.
self-control for the fifteen-year-old girl seeking advice on peer pressure and sex,
for the seventeen-year-old boy who uses violence rather than words to solve an argument.
self-control for the all or nothing, the black-n-white, the good or bad,
for the one who seeks balance in this pendulum of an existence.
I am self-control.
I am love. joy. peace. patience. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. gentleness. self-control.
I AM ME.


//ACTION: What values do you hold strongly to? What’s the path to self discovery been like for you? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

Sarah Kate Anderson

 

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4 thoughts on “THE PATH TO SELF DISCOVERY

  1. jenny@jennyorenstein.com'Jenny

    Oh darling, this is the most beautiful piece of writing. So touching and heartfelt. Raw and vulnerable. You have such a way with words. My goodness. Thank you for being YOU. xxx

    Reply
  2. allisonbrittle@gmail.com'Allison

    Oh Sarah Kate, I love this poem. Your words of wisdom are awesome. I am uplifted when I read Mariposa Moment. Keep up the great work. Smiles & Hugs. 😉

    Reply

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